Sora's Mermaids
by RainbowAngst
Summary: We don't own this either.In this 'thrilling' Kingdom Hearts fic, told from Sora's point of view, we learn all about things most of us never wanted to think about. Uncensored swearing, strong yaoi undertones and one limey ish mention of hentai.


(((WARNING!!!!!!!!!!! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS: YAOI UNDERTONES, LIME-Y HENTAI, UNCENSORED SWEARING AND ANGST. RAINBOWANGST DOES NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM!!!! Well, technically, we have the game, and a couple of graphic novels, but you know what we mean.)))

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Once upon a time, there was a little boy who lived by the sea. He went by many names, mostly at school, because he was so "special" that not a lot of people could take his awesomeness. So they hated him and called him names. But if you were to ask him, he would say that he was Sora the Fantastic! (Yes, the "!" is part of the name.)

He didn't have many friends; only two are noteworthy. Riku, who was only friends with him because he was an easy little bitch, and Kairi, who was at heart a fangirl, and turned everything into a sick little fanfiction. Sora, being the naive little bastard he is, hung out with the two as often as he could. But one day, his only two companions wandered off because they actually had lives for once. Riku, to his first pole dancing lesson, and Kairi to Cloud's house to write sick and wrong CloudxSephiroth or in worse cases, CloudxSephirothxLeon stories. Long story short, this left the too easily bored Sora alone to do what he pleased.

Sora wandered the streets of his little sea village alone, contemplating the futility of life and being all mysterious and angsty and shit. He was afraid to go home because his twin brother Roxas and his girlfriend Namine were in, and they were big fans of S&M, despite being all of 13.

After a much unneeded mental image of Roxas holding a whip, Sora ended his pathetic walk at the end of the dock of his village. He tossed a rock, which skimmed across the water rather quickly before disappearing into the depths of the sea. This reminded him of a time when Riku took him down to this very same bay to go skinny dipping. That gave him an idea.

He started stripping off his clothes, and then realized he didn't have any Vaseline, so his plan wouldn't work. Disgruntled, he got dressed again, minus his shoes, and hung his feet in the water, contemplating how to spend his day. All of a sudden, there was a huge wave that covered Sora and the dock. He sputtered, rubbing at his eyes to get rid of the salt water in them. He gradually opened his eyes, and saw a woman in the water, with the lower body of a fish. "Holy fuck!" exclaimed Sora, "A mermaid!"

The mermaid was very beautiful: long black hair and purple eyes. She opened her mouth,

"You little BITCH!"

Sora was called a bitch quite often. By Riku and the other kids at school. So he wasn't surprised that this very beautiful fish-lady called him that too. "Whoa. OMG. Are you Ariel????" He asked with glee. No one knew this, but when he was smaller that was his favorite movie. He even dressed up as Ariel sometimes, while singing the songs from the movie.

The mermaid just huffed, and crossed her arms. "That little whore sells out to Hollywood, and now she is the only reason anyone knows about us. No, I'm not Ariel. I'm Zarina. And YOU just hit me with a rock!" Because Sora was so slow and retarded, it took him a few minutes to fully recall the rock incident. "Oh." He said when he finally did. "Oops. Well, what do you want me to do about it?" He asked. But his efforts were in vain, because of the shiny object (that turned out to be glass) that caused Sora to suddenly jump into the sea for. Unfortunately for him, the tide was rising at an alarming rate, and since Riku wasn't here to "help him swim", and he didn't know how, he was basically screwed over. He heard the mermaid - Zarina - go "For the love of plankton!" and then everything went black.

When Sora woke up, he was in what he could only assume to be a grotto. Little multicoloured fish swam around, and a few feet away, Zarina was reading a book. He stared at her for a few minutes. She was really pretty. Like the way her silver tail went so well with her pretty black hair. Suddenly, she looked up. "Oh. You're awake."

Sora had the normal blank look that he had when he was confused. Upon impulse he checked to make sure that his impossibly-styled hair was all in place. He couldn't quite remember how he got there. Perhaps another one of those "Friendly RP Scenes" That Riku had put him through multiple times. He wondered what kind of technology Riku had to stimulate the whole "breathing under water" thing. Seeing as he couldn't really remember what happened for whatever reason.

"Is this a friendly RP scene?" he asked, confused.

"What?" Zarina said, a disgusted expression on her face, "No, you were drowning. In lieu of letting you die, which would have been totally kickass, I brought you down to this grotto. Luckily, I let you have some of my underwater breathing powers and shit."

"Oh." And Sora fell asleep again, dancing in dreams of Riku, sailor's costumes and cowboy hats.

Sora got bored of the hats. And woke up. And opened his eyes to see Zarina and a pink haired merman going at it.

Sora went all spacey before realizing what they were doing. "HEY! That looks like something Riku did to me once! He called it tag! "

Zarina looked up and flushed. "Tag? Is your friend Riku a pedophile or something?"

Sora smiled cluelessly. "If that means best friend, then yes! Riku likes playing games with me."

The pink haired merman smirked. "Games huh? What kind of games?"

Sora grinned at him. "All sorts! We play 'Dress up and Undress' and 'Naked Hide 'n' Go Seek' and 'One Eyed Trouser Snake'. They're fun, but they hurt sometimes..."

Zarina flung her hands over her ears. "I DON'T want to hear this!"

Sora, being the clueless bitch he was, pointed at the pink merman and said "Are you gay? Riku told me that all guys with pink hair were. He said gay people are evil too..."

The pink haired mermaid looked up with the face of a murderer. "You're asking if I'M gay while he has you parading around naked playing hide and seek?"

Sora, not connecting the dots, simply said "Uh huh!"

"...Right then. Go play your "games" with your "best friend". I'm trying to get myself some babies," the pink-haired man said as the two lovers "resumed their activities". Sora sat floating around in the water watching the two for a few minutes before asking "I know where babies come from - Riku told me - but where do MERMAIDS come from?"

The two stopped again, and looked up at the stupid child. "Well..." The pink haired man fish began..."Do you know what bestiality is?" Sora flashed a large naive smile. "Of course! Riku showed me!" he exclaimed.

The pink haired man grimaced. "I'll bet he did."

Zarina chuckled. "Well, when a man loves a dolphin more than society says he should..."

Sora just nodded "Uh huh?"

"What exactly did Riku show you, Sora?" the pink haired merman interrupted.

"Well...he called his dog over and we played "One Eyed Trouser Snake" with him. Riku said that was bestiality..."

Zarina stopped herself from vomiting at the thought of a dog and... never mind. But she continued with what she wanted to say. "Sora... there are a lot of things that the majority of the population, and nice little people called government officials wouldn't like you and your little friend there doing. Bestiality is one of them. But...as you would know...It happens anyway. Get what I'm saying?"

Sora just tilted his head to the side "No...Wait, are you saying that potatoes are bad for you? Cuz I TOTALLY agree! When Riku told me to turn around with that potato in his hand..."

The pink haired merman cringed. "Okay, no more stories about you and Riku. Please!"

Charlie (the pink haired merman) looked up at Sora with distaste. "So stupid." He thought, as he sighed. "Well. The man and the innocent little dolphin end up...er... playing tag. And that's how mermaid babies are made. Do you get it?" Charlie asked, hoping to not have to give more examples. Sora blinked. "They were playing tag and they made babies? That doesn't work. Kairi said that the babies come from a different place than the tag place..."

Charlie sighed. "Kairi is right then. The man and the GIRL dolphin make babies the same way you and Riku don't. D "

"Oh okay. So the way you're trying to make babies with Zarina. But wait...if only one man and one girl dolphin made babies... isn't it incest for you and Zarina to make babies?"

Charlie rubbed his forehead. "And what do you know about incest?"

"Namine showed me."

"Namine?"

"My brother's girlfriend!"

"How...exactly...did she show you?" Charlie asked, scared of the answer.

"Well, Roxas and Namine were bored, so we played Naked Truth or Dare."

Charlie was speechless. "Look. You and your friend there...Look, this isn't incest, okay? And uh...If you ever say that it is...I will...call Riku and tell him to stop playing games with you." he said, as he struggled not to envision Sora and some other boy going at it.

"Lots of people have tried to get him to stop. He doesn't want to, no matter what. The games are getting pretty boring. And even though Riku says girls are evil, there's one in my class who is really pretty..."

"I'll assassinate the girl if you do then." Charlie said. "How if you excuse us, I do believe you've interrupted us enough already. It's about time you went and...uh...played some games. With your friend. Away from here." Charlie and his companion approached Sora, who was sitting there smiling clueless as usual. Charlie lifted up a random metal bar from the sand beneath them, and suddenly, everything went black. Sora lay dreaming about Riku for a long time. He awoke later to find himself on the sand of his island, near the dock. The sun was near setting, And with his luck, he was confronted with no other then Riku.

"Hey Riku!" Sora squealed. "How was your pole dancing class?"

"Meh, alright. Want to come back to my place for...dinner?"

"Sure!"

And so, with the sun setting behind him, while Riku held his hand, Sora walked away back to Riku's place, with the knowledge of where Mermaids came from.


End file.
